Today I unexpectedly took down my Christmas trees, stairway, mantle and hallway garland, and any vestigial decor that was put up with Christmas in mind. Unexpectedly, you say? I was more than willing to leave the mass of it up until the end of January, but in the end opportunity presented itself in the form of additional help and so we dove in. While I am immensely glad for the renewed space and cleaner look, I am also sad to see it go. This is new, Internet! I have never, EVER been sad to see it go! I am always just twitching around the edges to be able to vacuum in this corner and dust that mantle... so what is different?
It is my girls, my friends.
Emma is suddenly a little girl. Well, she has ALWAYS been a little Girl, but now she is a completely separate personality - becoming her own person, so to speak. Mary, too, is blazing her own path into autonomy. And suddenly, like no other time, I want everything to come to a screeching HALT. Taking down decorations only means that a New Year is starting. That bgets more birthdays and further subtle changes in the baby faces I once cherished. Oh! Those babies!!! That soft skin and gleam in their eyes! And yes, the poopy diapers and sleepless nights.. but those are nearly a blur now, here at 5 and 6 years old. I have forgotten the dragging and sludging through the baby and toddler years. Or maybe I am just afraid of the years to come. A bit nostalgic, a bit afraid. That is what makes up regret at moving forward.
But either way - here I am. The decorations are piled in the basement (labeled neatly and clearly, of course!), the cookies are all eaten (although I am determined to make just one more batch!), and the snow is falling lightly, erasing the traces of today and bringing us a clean slate on which to move forward. It's the letting go of today that is the hard part...
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1 comment:
they do grow up so fast!
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