Parental Speak

I want to address the Parental language that arises when a couple has a baby. I don't mean the "I'm very disappointed in you.." Speech that comes much later. I am referring to talking through the baby. For those of you who cannot figure out what I am saying, or have never heard this, I will give an example:

Mommy, who is holding the baby, says, "Tell Daddy what we did today!", as she points the baby, or the baby's head in the general direction of Daddy. Daddy, fresh home from work, addresses the baby directly.

"Oh! What did you and Mommy do today?" Then, the 'baby' answers,

"We had a play date and went to the park, Daddy!"

"Ooooo! Who did you see on your playdate?"

"We saw Johnny and Julie and went down the slide!"

"Really! Did you have fun?"

I would go on, but I think you get the general theme. There is another version of talking through the baby, which involves a lot of guilt and is primarily used by Mommy to ask Daddy to do something he wouldn't otherwise do. Observe:

Mommy says, "Daddy, could you get up and get Mary her bottle?"

or

"Mary, wouldn't you like Daddy to get you a bottle?"

Sometimes Daddy will answer back in Parental speak, especially when he doesn't feel like doing the requested task.

Daddy: "Mary, Daddy has had a long day and does not want to get up."

Please note that in my household, this is usually said while Jim is trekking across the kitchen and scowling.

There is one other way that parental speak occurs using the baby. Mommy might say something to get sympathy for the baby:

"Emma, tell Daddy about your boo-boo when you fell off your stool today."

In each case it is imperative that the child cannot actually talk. This would ruin this method of communication. Once the child can talk, there is a whole new level level of parental speak. Mommy might ask the child a question that she knows the child will answer a particular way to. Such as, "Emma, do you want Daddy to get you more milk?" To which the child is supposed to answer 'yes'. Thus said, Daddy cannot refuse without offending the child.

I would like to point out that this is a hypothetical situation and any resemblance, real or implied, to actual persons is purely coincidental. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Other names have not. Emma says "bye!".